IVF#2 Process and Outcome and other news

Ended up with 16 eggs, 12 mature. 4 out of 6 fertilized with donor sperm. 4 out of  6 fertilized with DH sperm. By day 3 we had  2 from donor and 1 from DH. Decided to push to day 5. My DH embryo died on day 3 at 5 cells. Donor sperm became a blastocyst wth vacules and another one was compacted. No day 5 transfer, and nothing to freeze on day 6.

Back. To. The. Drawing. Board.

DONOR EGG CYCLES.

This time we're not dicking around. I want to go with a clinic that does a guarantee program. Guarantee=live birth or refund.

My clinic doesn't offer these discounts. I love my current clinic. I just wish they offered a guarantee.

We're exploring Shady Grove's Shared Risk program. 1:3 which means 1 donor, 3 recipients. Up to 6 tried or money back 100%.

Also taking a hard look at RBA of Atlanta. 5 Frozen egg cycles or about 50% refund. Would spend about 3k each cycle if it didn't work. Figure 28k investment 15k if we did all 5 cycles.

I like the idea of the frozen eggs. No coordination of syncing 4 women's cycles. No possibility of cancellation as the eggs are already ready for purchase.

Everything is so up in the air now. My DH doesn't want to talk about it incessantly, but it's on my mind all the time. I've scheduled a couples visit with my therapist for Wednesday.

I've agreed to laying off the topic for 3 weeks but realize that this next step takes time to coordinate and so we shouldn't delay too much. So I'm making appointments, and filling out paperwork and not talking about it with my dh, which is hard.

I recently sent a message to another blogger, my first.

I mentioned how hard it was going to the grocery store,seeing women and men my age with their kids. It's hard to be there. I have to get there early to avoid them. I know that now.

Another piece of info: My good friend is pregnant with her #2.  She struggled for 3 year, 3 or 4 IUI's before becoming pregnant, naturally with her now 1yo boy.

Her husband called mine, we were on speaker phone. I knew why they were calling. I was already crying before they told us the news. Don't get me wrong. I'm very happy for them. They deserve it. It just reminds me of our own infertility.

Almost a year ago my other friend told us they were expecting #2. I was able to hold it together until after the call. The idea of havng my own genetic child not yet determined . And I love our friends dearly.

I think this call was harder to hear as I'm setting up new clinic appointments and figuring out next steps and mourning the loss of a genetic child. I know from my readings that in the end, it will not matter but right now it hurts...to my core.

After our call, I took a look at our last texts. On July 14th, I told her that it didn't work out for us. She was already 11 or 12 weeks pregnant. They waited another 10 days before calling as a coupe to tell us the news. Had we gone to their sons dedication in their church, we would have found out then.
Unfortunately, we were finding out that nothing made it to freeze and we were left with nothing.

I'm pissed that she couldn't tell me, woman to woman, but then again, I've never been on the side where I'm pregnant and I have to share my news with my infertile friend.
Buck fuck it, no matter how much it sucks for me, I would face things head on, and share the news because that's how I would want to be treated. But I'm not in her shoes.
And I guess that's what make me, me. I don't shy from confrontation.

I suppose I can imagine how hard that must be for them to tell us. They want to get together soon.
I'm not ready for that. Your 1+ year old and your adorable growing belly. no thanks. I'm sure these are my feelings as a result of our most recent loss, and I'll be able to turn it around soon. I just hope my therapist can help us through it. I'm concerned I'm getting depressed. My therapist is anti-drugs. But I'm wondering if a little zo.loft is in order.

Ok, that's all for now. Be well.

Telling 'Mom'

It's been a few days since my last post so here's what I've been up to:
Saturday May 24th, my mother-in-law(MIL) arrived for a week-long visit and my husband and I are about to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. I recently posted about our timeline on who we would share our IVF news with. You can find that post here.
After further discussion we thought it best to tell my MIL while she was here visiting.


We decided we would do it after breakfast this past Sunday morning.  I was a little nervous before we told her. I started it off by saying that no we weren't pregnant and here's why. I gave her the gist of the story and there were some tears. Overall, she was happy that we shared this news with her and is here for us. I told her I know it's a lot to take in and if she had questions while she was here to just ask them, but when she leaves, we need to set boundaries. Boundaries for us and for her. You see, she's a worrier. Big Time! Her son is her only child and only focus. We asked her to trust us when we say we will come to her with updates and we understand that sharing this crazy time in our lives means that she's now a part of this process.

I think it's important to set boundaries. I don't want every conversation centered around our infertility. It's already something I think about every minute of every day, and we will make sure that we provide updates as we progress with everything.


The material that the clinic gave us on Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) has come in handy. I gave my MIL the packet on IVF w/ ICSI and she's been reading it. I have been asking her if she has any questions. Kind of opening the door for conversations.


It's been really nice to be able to speak openly about it at home.
We're going to be telling just a few of our closest friends soon.


Side note: STILL waiting for AF to get here. I'm looking forward to moving forward with everything.


I'll post again when I have something more substantial to report on. Hope you have a great week. :)

WTF!?! IVF!?! aka Our First Fertility Appointment

Thursday May 1^st, 2014 – WTF!?! IVF!?!  aka Our First Fertility Appointment!

Ever the planner, I was focused on all aspects of our appointment, down to the most frequent question all women ask themselves when preparing for an important meeting…What will I wear? My mother always said when you are feeling down, or unsure of yourself, at least look fabulous! I think there is some truth in that. I’ve had several days were I felt like crap inside, but I looked good on the outside.

With the printed New Patient paperwork in our hands and having decided on my newly dry-cleaned favorite maroon ankle pants, cream blouse and blue cardigan, we set out for our appointment.

I don’t think I've ever been as nervous for anything in my life as I was for this appointment.  My husband and I were driving separately because I had to go into work after the appointment for an important work meeting.

As we walked into the office, the front desk ladies knew who I was when we walked in. They were very welcoming. There goes those warm and fuzzies!

Because we live in one of the many states in these United States that does not offer coverage for Infertility treatment, I knew what we were in for. 
On a positive note, my insurance and my husbands covers the diagnosis of infertility. So many tests and procedures leading up to treatment are covered. Check your medical benefits policy to see if this is covered. If you have any questions about this topic, please e-mail me!

Our wait was very short, and a very pleasant nurse brought us in to take my blood pressure, height and weight, (she let me write it down because don't most women know their weight?) She then went over how the appointment would unfold. We would meet with Dr. C for about 20-30 minutes, then he would perform a baseline ultrasound and then another nurse would do our blood draws and collect urine sample, and we would meet with the financial counselor, and then the physician again if we had any additional questions.

Blood pressure was perfect: 120/80. I thought for sure it would be high because my nerves were going insane. Thank you empty stomach and 1/2 cup of coffee!
Suppose now is the time to tell you a little about me and my husband. We're both 33 years old and carry a little 'happy to be married' weight. My husband is 6'1" and built like a football player. And he has the most amazing hazel eyes. In the past few weeks we've really started to take our weight seriously, knowing what could lie ahead for us. Last year we both lost a bunch of weight, and over Christmas, Santa gave us a few extra LB's. I come from a large family and I always knew I wanted to be a mom. My husband is an only child and always wanted a large family. Win-Win!

The nurse then brought us into Dr. C's office and he was very calming. He got right into it. I was worried he would suggest trying to bring up my husbands sperm count and then several rounds of IUI before suggesting IVF. 

When I say I was worried, it's because we only have a certain amount of money to work with. Remember that retched job I mentioned? Yes, it was awful, but when I walked away from it, I left with enough stock for a rainy day or some fertility treatments. Dr. C said, 

"I like seeing patients like you. Young, with male factor. We'll see what's what with you and if everything looks good, we'll get you pregnant."

 I like this guy. He goes through our potential treatment plan and then gets into some science. Having done my fair share of research, I knew a lot about what he was speaking about. My husband was following because I gave him the Cliffnotes version of my findings. 

He said that IUI wouldn't work for us because we don't have much sperm to work with and our only option would be IVF using ICSI, which is Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection. They can take a single sperm and inject it directly into the egg to fertilize it. Traditional IVF would have an egg in the petri-dish and then sperm would be added and one of the millions of normal sperm would make its way into the egg. ICSI does the fertilization for you. Science!

Next, we had the baseline vaginal ultrasound (u/s). I also have to mention that I've never had a male doctor as my lady doctor. So, there is a whole other layer to my nerves. But he's very professional, and makes me feel at ease. 

If you don't know what this kind of ultrasound is, please look it up. Be prepared.

After a quick peek around, Dr. C. immediately said that I had a polyp in my uterus. A uterine polyp can make it hard for an embryo to implant into the uterine wall, and should be removed. If we don't remove it, an embryo could attach to the polyp, and miscarriage is very likely. If my husband didn't have his issue, my issue would be a serious hindrance in achieving/maintaining pregnancy because of it's location. Right ovary looked good, and left ovary, 'looks even better!'

Doctor said we still had to check out my fallopian tubes. We would need to schedule surgery to remove the polyp and could do all of the other diagnostic tests at the time of the surgery.  

We then met with the nurse who told us about screening for cerebral palsy and an optional genetic test we could request by a company called counsyl. https://www.counsyl.com/ We decided to get this additional testing done because we have already come this far. I asked the nurse how many patients get this genetic testing done and she said, about 50/50.

The nurse only took one vial for the counsyl testing, and about a million other for the diagnostic testing, (ok, maybe 7 or 8) and just one tube for my husband. 

Dr. C. stopped in to check-in on us, and I asked him about the spotting I've been having between cycles. He said, it's most likely because of the polyp. 

Next came the Financial Counselor...dun dun dun!

Our financial counselor was very knowledgeable and she was able to explain our options in a clear and concise way. I know she talks about this subject multiple times a day and still she had enthusiasm and took her time making sure we understood everything. I'm going to create another post just to talk about affording IVF.