Mother's Day

This Sunday is Mother's Day, A holiday that has never bothered me until recently. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and all the moms in this world, it's just hard right now.


I would love to come in late to work because it was Mommy Tea Time at my child's school. That was the gem I heard this morning while in the kitchen at work. My tolerance has gotten pretty low for these kinds of stories, and it's because I suffer from an super unattractive personality trait right now: Jealously. It's not a feeling I often have and I wish I didn't feel this way.(And obviously I didn't let this emotion get the best of me.  I said 'awwwwww' like a champ and quickly dashed out of the kitchen). 


I truly am happy for those out there who are fortunate enough to become parents. I just wish I was one of you...getting the macaroni necklace or the cutely decorated potted plant for Mother's Day or even nothing at all, but just spending time with my child on a workday morning.


My jealously comes and goes in waves, and I'm not consumed by it, but it's there.


And of course I'm still very hopeful right now...but what if our IVF doesn't work? I read a lot of stories of women whose first IVF cycle failed. I know that's a real possibility but I can't think about that right now. I don't need to mix my fear with my jealousy.


I hope I'm not alone with these feelings.


I pray that I'm filled with another feeling next Mother's Day: Joy.