I wasn't able to hold-off and not test. Husband was out of town and left to my own devices, of course I tested! The day before my beta, the home test was negative. The morning of my beta, it was also negative.
I went to the clinic for the blood draw and left still feeling a tad hopeful. My husband got home early that morning so we were together on the couch, waiting for the call.
It was Negative.
I was able to hold it together while on the call, and then hubby and I had a nice long, sobbing, stuffy-nosed cry. I had my husband call and text those who we had shared this process with to let them know. I think calling his mom was the hardest call to make.
The rest of the day we just hung out and didn't do much. I made dinner that night, chicken and dumplings, my comfort food.
I was at work the next day, focusing on work. Somehow, this major thing in our life just happened, and I'm able to function at work.
On Monday morning August 18th, the doctor called. He wants to sit down with us face-to-face and review our case. We're scheduled to see him this Thursday August 28th. I also made an appointment to see a psychologist. My first session is tomorrow, Tuesday, August 26th.
As for how the rest of my week went post negative news: I had a breakdown on Tuesday the 19th. My period started and I had to go to the store to get supplies. While at the store, I ran into no less than 3 pregnant women. That was a rough day.
On Wednesday August 20th, I woke up at about 4am with severe abdominal cramping, and the immediate urge to go to the bathroom. I had the chills and a low grade fever. I made it into work and dealt with the cramping and avoided the bathroom because I didn't eat anything all day. For added fun, had a splitting headache.
Ended up working from home for part of the day on Thursday, and again, didn't eat anything on Friday for fear of upsetting the tummy while at work.
By Sunday the 24th, I was marginally better. I still had the headaches though.
I've read online that estrogen withdrawal can cause headaches. I'll find out this Thursday if my stomach issues were directly tied to coming off of all medicines.
I'll post again after our discussion with our doctor. We will also be going over next steps.
I feel like seeing a psychologist is very important for my mental health. I need some tools to help weather this infertility storm. We're obviously devastated and need to work through all of these feelings.
Stay tuned...
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