Mother's Day

This Sunday is Mother's Day, A holiday that has never bothered me until recently. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and all the moms in this world, it's just hard right now.


I would love to come in late to work because it was Mommy Tea Time at my child's school. That was the gem I heard this morning while in the kitchen at work. My tolerance has gotten pretty low for these kinds of stories, and it's because I suffer from an super unattractive personality trait right now: Jealously. It's not a feeling I often have and I wish I didn't feel this way.(And obviously I didn't let this emotion get the best of me.  I said 'awwwwww' like a champ and quickly dashed out of the kitchen). 


I truly am happy for those out there who are fortunate enough to become parents. I just wish I was one of you...getting the macaroni necklace or the cutely decorated potted plant for Mother's Day or even nothing at all, but just spending time with my child on a workday morning.


My jealously comes and goes in waves, and I'm not consumed by it, but it's there.


And of course I'm still very hopeful right now...but what if our IVF doesn't work? I read a lot of stories of women whose first IVF cycle failed. I know that's a real possibility but I can't think about that right now. I don't need to mix my fear with my jealousy.


I hope I'm not alone with these feelings.


I pray that I'm filled with another feeling next Mother's Day: Joy.

GYN Visit: Words of Wisdom

Back in September 2013, I called my Gynecologist's office because I was having mid-cycle bleeding. The nurse told me this was normal and not to worry.


I come to find out many months later that it's a polyp that is causing this bleeding. If I had this addressed back in September I wouldn't be in this torture chamber called: WAITING TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!


I've never had spotting until about a year ago. Sometimes it would be so bad that I needed to bust into my monthly lady supplies just to deal with it.


Looking back I wish I had been more persistent. My words of wisdom to myself and every woman out there is this:


You know your body, if something doesn't feel right, get it checked out. Who cares if there are guidelines that doctors follow. You know what is and isn't right. Go with your GUT!


I'm scheduled to have my annual exam tomorrow, and we're going to have a nice long chat. More to follow :)

Drugs!

The above picture is the response I got from my husband when I sent him the list of drugs that I will have to take when we are ready to begin our cycle.

Below is said list:

Ganarelix 250 mcp OR Cetrotide .25mp

HCG (trigger shot) 10,000 units

Menopur 1 or 2 vials daily for 10 days

Follistim OR Bravelle OR Gonal-F 225 units daily for 10 days

Crinone 8% progesterone gel

 

The good news is that I can choose which versions of each drug I would like. This is good news considering we will be out of pocket on the medication costs.

If you have gone through an IVF cycle, can you please tell me if there is one that you preferred over another? I also hear that some are harder to take/inject than others. Sweet!

 



To Tell or Not to Tell? Who to inform.

After our May Day appointment, I told my mom. I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with my mother. My mom is the least obtrusive, inquisitive person you will ever meet. She may be the epitome of social etiquette.  I know she is there for anything I need. As I've mentioned in a previous post, I come from a large family, lots of brothers and I'm the only girl.

We had some struggles in my late teens, mostly me growing up. But I really feel like she's one of the most amazing people that I've ever had the fortune of knowing, and to have her as my mom, what more could anyone ask for?

I called her the afternoon of the appointment. I told her what we know right now. She hasn't told my Dad yet. We finally agreed to bring him in when we had a more full diagnosis. 

This weekend, I spoke with my husband about the possibility of speaking with his mom and telling her. After many broken conversations (where you start a conversation and discuss it here and there) we decided to tell her after we had the results of the hysteroscopy and the removal of the polyp. 

My husband is an only child and he is his mother's whole world. When you are thinking of telling someone, you have to remember that you will be bringing them into your world. They become a part of this journey. They are invested. Updates need to be made and you have to worry how they are handling everything. Telling her is a big deal because she worries so much. I love her so much and we have a great relationship and I don't want to make her worry.

I've been married to my husband for almost 3 years and so much has happened in these past 3 years. Sometimes I think about our ten year anniversary and imagine renewing our vows. Mine would go something like this:
You are my best friend. We've had a tumultuous first 10 years, so many ups and downs and I want the next 30 years to be some of the most boring years. I want time to creep by, and to enjoy our lives in the mundane happiness of every day.

But I digress...We decided to tell her after I have my diagnostic testing and after we have all the facts. 

The issue now is that she's visiting us in the next few weeks. I'm supposed to call the clinic when I get my next period so we can figure out when to schedule the surgery. I'm expected to get my period around the time of her visit, which is also our 3rd year anniversary. Should be an interesting time!

We decided not to tell our closest friends until we tell my husband's mom. We figure the less people know, the less questions we'll be asked. We need to figure out our game plan. 

We're not making any plans for the summer, and are almost being hermits. 
Thinking about our infertility, the treatment, and outcomes, we've got enough on our plates. Deciding on who to tell is an important decision. You will need to do what's right for your personalities. Do you need a constant influx of concern and questions, or do you want to figure things out first, and then bring people up to speed? I think we're somewhere in the middle. 

More to come. God Bless, and have a good week! :)

Show Me the Money!

We met with our Financial Counselor Cathy. Woman knows her stuff! She went over our options, and apparently there are tons of them. Treatment costs will vary depending on your insurance coverage, and area you live in. 

We will be spending our own, hard earned cash to pay for this process as our insurance only pays for the diagnosis and not the treatment of infertility.

Cathy first went through the cost of a treatment cycle. Between ultrasounds, blood work, and embryology lab fees, our cost would be $9,000.00. This does not include medication. Medication ranges from $4,000-$6,000. We were presented with two medication discount programs that offer a percentage off of the medications. (anywhere from 15-75% off depending on our financial need) I'm always skeptical when presented with discount programs. I went online after our appointment to see what other kind of discounts were out there for us. I confirmed that these were our best options. 
But don't be afraid to do your own digging. 

Cathy then spoke about their treatment packages. Their 'most popular' included an entire fresh cycle, and then a frozen cycle if the the fresh cycle didn't work. This was $11,700 (no meds included)

The doctor asked her to speak about their other option which was 6 cycles for $20,000. This is a refund guarantee program. If we don't get pregnant after 6 cycles, we get our money back. If we are successful after one cycle, the package is deemed complete. 

My husband, ever the comic says, "I'd like to see something in a leather interior with maple wood accents." Love this man!

There were a lot of other packages available to us, but those two seemed to be the big contenders. We aren't able to make a decision at this moment because we won't have our full diagnosis until after my hysteroscopy and polyp removal. 

The clinic also offers a discount program to those who qualify. You can't combine the discount program to the guarantee program. I knew to ask about that because I saw it on their website. Couples have to qualify financially which means that you have to provide two years of tax returns. 

Also, there are grants available to those who qualify. They are very specific and may be available to you if you qualify. 

Stay tuned for more! 

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog! After much deliberation, I decided it was important for me to journal my experience with Infertility. God knows I’ve spent a lot of time trolling the internet for information on everything from Pre-Conception, Diet & Exercise, Recipes, Charting, Ovulation, to Infertility that I felt the need to share my journey so if there is someone out there like me - it might help! Plus, I sort of like being held accountable to document this time in my life and what better way to be held accountable than to put it on the internet!

My personal disclaimer: Any recipe or products I share with you are because I’ve tried them and loved them (or hated) and I’m not being paid to promote anything.